your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
