Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
