Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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