Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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