and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
