Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
