I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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