Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
