That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
