Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
