I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
