similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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