were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
