I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
