Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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