That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry about my life...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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