New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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