his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
