Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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