U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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