I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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