Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
