Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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