I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
