Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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