I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
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Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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