On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
