I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
