I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize