I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
