She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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