I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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