Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
