i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
