when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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