Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
