Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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