and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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