I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
