Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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