Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
