If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
