I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
