I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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