Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
