If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
