ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish my penis had a tongue
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
