He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
