i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He passed out mid-signature
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
