I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
