I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
