is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
