Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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