i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
