May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
