You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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