sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
