You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
