Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
