I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
