Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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