I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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