Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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