I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your cock deserves a montage
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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