I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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