I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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