So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's always time for handjobs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
