he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
