So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
