remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
