i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
