What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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