It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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