Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
