i barfeds in our rink
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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