I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
